A little pick-me-up: Pumpkin Loaf.
Do you know I am the type of person who is absolutely unable to relax?
It’s not a good thing. My father patted me on the head and told me seriously: “Angela, you are a workaholic, like me. Sorry.” And he would know, too: it’s up at 7 and home at 8 for him, and he doesn’t put away his computer and files from work until he goes to bed. He even works on the weekends, and what free time he gets he sneaks in by watching sports. Honestly, I feel really bad for him.
In the same conversation, my father said: “Your brother, on the other hand, really knows how to relax.” And he does. When we went on vacation, I felt obligated to be out and about, looking at scenery, walking around, being active, doing something at all hours; he, on the other hand, was content to stay in the room and catch up on all the anime he’d downloaded, ordering in sandwiches and chocolate cake rather than take the effort to venture out to get food.
I’m not saying he’s a sloth. He does do work. When he needs to. But knowing how to take life easy is a good thing. His stress comes rarely, but when it does it really pushes him to work: as for me, my stress is an inhibitor, something that causes me to procrastinate and stress while procrastinating. It is almost near-constant, even when I’m doing supposedly fun things (they are fun. Really. But I just can’t rest. I’m not even working, I’m just worrying, 24/7.)
A lot of times, I just wish I could shut my brain off and drown all my thoughts out for just an hour or so. It thinks all the time. Not even about profound things; it’s about the stupidest things. I know there’s no point in worrying about a stupid comment I made like a year ago, but I do. And when I’m driving by myself or walking around by myself, I’ll say it out loud. Apologize to the world. While grocery shopping: “I’m so sorry,” I said suddenly, facing a wall of canned puree and spices, and a woman pushing her grocery cart behind me gave me a funny look.
I am so bad with everything in life that involves a) math b) science c) tools d) being handy…in fact everything that isn’t talking, eating, worrying, or inky in nature.
Which is why, on this blog, I like to talk so much about relaxation, calm, peace, solitude, etc. They are elusive objects, ideas which I achieve but rarely. Everything has been so hectic lately, and I have no time. It’s all my own doing, but I still have no time. So I made cake.
I’m not saying I was relaxed while making it. I still had a bazillion things to do. I did them after I made the cake. And there are yet more things to do tomorrow. And…endlessly.
If you make this cake, take a breather for me, okay?
Recipe: straight from the Pastry Affair.
PS: Despite how unhandy I am, I did figure out how to use a can opener–all by myself–for the first time ever today! Aren’t we so proud? Normally my brother opens the cans for me (cursing while he does so at my stupidity.)
(Subscribe at the bottom!)